Kristen Bell. Is. So. Awesome. – And Here’s Why

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Step 1: Water her fab live rendition of Frozen’s “Do You Want to Build a Snowman”.

Step 2: Fall in love.

Step 3: Spend the next 2 hours watching Frozen clips.

…maybe that’ll just be me. 

Enjoy.

 

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Awesome Parents Sing Disney’s Frozen Perfectly While Cute Daughter Gives Zero Cares

Try as I might to keep my musical loving self at bay, it has no choice but to creep out on this fine March day. Watch as these awesome parents absolutely crush Disney’s Frozen and their cute daughter literally gives zero cares.

I dare you not to have a better day after watching it.

 
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Miracle Whip’s New Whip: Miracle Whip & Proud of It

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A new tag, tone and target for America’s favorite mayonnaise.

Miracle Whip, while arguably the most widely known mayo on the market, has certainly experienced a bit of brand confusion in past  years. They hope to eliminate that confusion now though, with what is perhaps their most drastic deviation to date and sorry, they’re not sorry – about it.

Read the full story on EFM’s blog.

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#TeamUSA Inspired Olympics Kick Off

Happy Opening Ceremonies All.

To combat the less than glam conditions in Sochi, I thought I’d offer a few ‘Merican Pride themed gems I’m rocking to show my unwavering devotion to the land of the free, home of the brave. Now, I know what you’re thinking – who the heck dresses up for the Winter Olympics? Well, riddle me this fare skeptics – when have you ever been let down by showing your devotion to this here US of A. That’s right – never.  #FollowSuit

1. Merica Onesy by Extreme80s. While Maria is donning a classed up version of ye old American patriotism, I am rocking the most awesome onesie to ever grace God’s green earth. No – and I’m so sorry – they’re not on sale yet, but you bet your bottom US American dollar I’ll tell you as soon as they are.

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2. Merica Fanny Pack. This gem is in stock and you should probably own it. Get it. 

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3. Merica Knockarounds. These limited edition were made specifically for Chubbies and unfortunately, can’t be purchased online at this time.

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In the mean time, these bad boys are ready and rearin’ to go. Get em. 

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3. Merica Chubbies. I had to. Get em.

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4. Stars and Bars Chucks. For days. Get them so I can borrow them. Do it.

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And there you have it. You’re welcome America. #sochi2014 #teamUSA #Merica

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Penis Prisons And Chastity Bras – Back with a Bang in 2014

Took a little break here from blogging land there for a minute. Pardon the hiatus. What better way to take 2014 content creation by storm though, than this. I very literally can’t make this stuff up.

Spotted at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, “Penis Prisons” to keep your member locked, loaded and at bay.

Oh  and yea, they come in camo. Gotta trick those sneaky skanks who strategically hunt for d’s set against camouflage backdrops. Also this will be very useful for both the Tin-man and Pinocchio to maintain their angelic v cards.

“No, YOU lock it up” … I mean Him.

So. Many. Questions.

  • Those look like screws. Where do they screw? (#nowhere #giggity).
  • Two of these options are tin and wood. Does the tin rust? Does the wood buckle?
  • Where does one keep the key? What happens if you lose it?
  • Is there a master key to all penis prisons? If so, that seems like a great deal of responsibility.
  • How does this look beneath one’s pants? I imagine not stealthy.

Then there’s this: a bra that’s, and I quote: “Here to save women from guys“. First and foremost, it should be noted that this was invented by a dude. Nuf said.

What it lacks in boob support, it makes up for in moral support, apparently. – Buzzfeed 

This Bra That Only Unhooks For “True Love” Is Basically A Chastity Belt

Sorry sweetie, looks like you aren’t ‘the one’. Pantomime bra tug away.

How does it work you ask? Well turns out, “a built in sensor reads the woman’s heart rate signal and sends it to a special app via Bluetooth for analysis.” Then it calibrates the “True Love Rate” over time and decides whether or not Lady Luck is on Romeo’s side. Smart ass app.

This is what the math looks like. Clearly they nailed every hope, dream and desire any woman has ever had. After all, ALL I do is jog, flirt, shop, flirt, jog …and eat Sriracha. Obviously.

"The app then calculates the True Love Rate based on changes in the heart rate over time."

The best part of this though is the moment of truth when the app decides you’re in love. Where might you be at that magical moment – in a meeting, at lunch, perhaps living any of the 99% of moments where a magical bra unclasp might be deemed socially inappropriate? Yea. The odds don’t really seem to be in our favor on this one.

In member armor and computerized chastity bras,

Happy 2014.

No, I’m not making this up. The following are actual lyrics from B Spear’ new song entitled “Perfume”.

“While I wait I put on my perfume / yeah I want it all over you / I gotta mark my territory.”

Turns out homegirl does NOT understand the meaning of subliminal advertising and strives to mark her territory like a, well, like a dog. The personal product placement in this here video is as suffocating as the near opaque cloud of Fantasy, Spears’ white trash fragrance. So glad they shot this at a motel. That, coupled with the hair extensions set against a plaid shirt backdrop absolutely makes me want to convert to brand advocacy.

Also, she’s singing really loud while on top of her clearly monogamous dude in bed. Is he dead? Brit – did you kill him for hooking up with the brunette? That wasn’t nice Brit.

In all serious though, it’s actually pretty funny what they did here. They wrote a terrible song and turned around a full length visual jingle in order to sell a fragrance that kills every ounce of class and drive that exists in her target market.

Well played Brit. Fooled us all.

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What Do You Get When You Mix Pentatonix’s Little Drummer Boy With Short Wearing Santas: A Killer Parody

In case you missed the viral snowstorm recently, Pentatonix recently came out with their own acapella version of The Little Drummer Boy (yea, that link was a hint hint to watch it if you haven’t already). It blew up overnight and I’d be lying if I didn’t divulge the fact that I listened to it … let’s just say more than once. I shared that sh*t with all my co Pitch Perfect aficionados (#represent) (#proudofit) and got lost in the magic of their soothing ass voices and hauntingly beautiful harmonies.

It wasn’t until the <insert unembarassing number here> time watching it that I realized how absolutely ridiculous this video is and that, to agree with the ol Huff Post, it was just begging for a parody.

Thanks to Chubbies – we need beg no more.

From consistent typography and whimsically authentic expressions, to short ass santa shorts set against a picturesque sunlit backdrop and of course the classic beer chug… this is golden. Enjoy.

 

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Ad of the Day: Teary Eyes from WestJet

Not many ads bring tears to my eyes… but this one did. Well played WestJet. Well played indeed.

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Burger King’s Brilliant YouTube Pre-Roll Ad Move

No ifs, ands or buts about it, this brilliantly LOL worthy move by Burger King deserves some acclaim. Watch it.

 

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