15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook

So my good friend Adam sent this my way and by number 6 I knew I had to repost it. In fairness, I’m not a Kings of Leon fan, I do not dine at Applebees, am not married, keep my Facebook posts super exciting and entertaining for all to see (or at least to myself) and only take pictures of non-mundane food items. Please enjoy. Note: the original feet and hard face pictures have been replaced with my own..thereby admitting the truth behind this post.

1. Take pictures of their feet.
This is what our feet look like!

2. Express their extreme annoyance at this work day today and hint that it deserves a much needed alcoholic beverage at the end of it. WINK WINK.

3. Thank their hubby for being the best hubby in the world while their hubby is sitting right next to them.

4. Complain about bad service at restaurants. “Never eating at Applebee’s AGAIN!”

5. Express their extreme excitement to see their best friends tonight, Brintney, Whitney, and Sarah!!! Love YOU GIRLS!!

6. Take pictures wearing a lot of makeup and looking really preppy while simultaneously making a “hard” facial expression and holding up what they consider to be a gangster sign. Potential caption: ‘Straight thuggin.’

We’re hard!!! Nicole note: Anyone who knows me is very entertained right now.

7. Take pictures of undeserving food.

I effing love oatmeal!!! Mmmmmmm.

8. Make their status the song lyrics of any Kings of Leon Song.

9. Take a picture of someone they deem inferior to themselves in some way with the question: Really?

10. Write angry letters to companies (Dear EZ PARK, I hate you!), unorganized groups of people (Dear slutty freshmen who think that leggings can be worn as pants..), and non-entities (Dear unseasonably cold weather, WTF?!)

11. Subtly yell at no one in particular while being very specific. “Wow, it’s hard to believe that you think you know someone and then they turn around and STAB YOU IN THE BACK. Will never make that mistake again. EVER.”

12. Document exceedingly mundane activites for the day. “Getting my oil changed today. Then getting much needed groceries. Then it’s off to the post office to mail some bills. Then stopping by the gyno. Will probably need some gas by the end, so I may stop at the gas station. But I might be tired so I’ll probably just get it in the morning on my way to pick up a prescription. But if I’m not very tired I’ll probably just get the gas on the way home. Again, unless I am tired.”

13. Express their distaste for facebook on facebook and threaten to leave facebook to their facebook friends.

14. Ask seemingly rhetorical questions. “It’s cool to do a bunch of meth and babysit 20 six year olds, right?”

15. Write a status in another language. Parce que, Je suis tres intelligente!!

Love,

Mary. A white girl on facebook, guilty of most of these things.

**My friend Matt Damon (aka Kaitlin) collaborated on the trends of facebook with me. A much more detailed version will be in our book we’re writing. Which will be published….one day…

Check out Mary’s Blog…where I got this

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3 thoughts on “15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook

  1. Andrew says:

    This was so ridiculously awesome. Well done.

  2. Melanie Yunk says:

    Love, love, love this list – you’re very funny! Thanks for the laugh and happy holidays! Off to take a picture of my feet!

  3. Susanne says:

    Also the self portraits in the bathroom mirrors. And the ‘tongue thing’ they seem to love to have their photos of their mouths open with tongue out. That is funny about the feet thing…there are lots of them out there…my feet are just too ugly to post!

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