Just thought I’d share these ridiculous things I’ve come across in the past few days. I shall not provide context for I feel they may be funnier without.
1. I saw my babies in her eyes, so I gave her a towel.
2. I was once with a girl I had slept with, and she was talking shit to me in front of her friends – so I told her that “since I turned your belly button into my dna’s swimming pool, you have no grounds for insults”
3. We’re all fat because everytime we bang your mom she makes us a sandwich
4. This. Sharknado (which won’t embed for the life of me)
6. “I am hungover a lot, so yeah, I have a lot of hats”