Kenneth Bone: The Man Who Saved America.


Last night, an Internet legend was born. I pray he doesn’t know it yet – and that he’s sitting in a CVS parking lot somewhere, sipping a cherry flavored 711 slurpy in his ’97 Honda Civic. I hope he’s waiting patiently for his disposable camera film to be developed, thinking about the inflection of his question delivery and not checking Twitter, because, well, he has a Razr.

To quote the poets over at BarStool:

50 years from now, when historians and professors are writing the textbooks, the chapter on the 2016 election will wax poetic about how one man appeared in our darkest hour. How America was at its lowest – ravaged by political polarization. Discouraged by 2 of the weakest presidential candidates ever. And then…from then darkness arose a bright light. A bright red light. And a gentle soul named Ken Bone in a red cable knit sweater and a white on white tie stepped up to the plate and united America. Abraham Lincoln gave the Gettysburg Address. JFK asked you not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. And Ken Bone got up on that mic and asked whatever the fuck it was he asked about energy and instantly reminded the country of what was important. When “Kenneth Bone, Uncommitted Voter” popped up on the screen and the twitter jokes started flowing, the country came together once again. America was never lower but Twitter had never been better. Sometimes you just need a fat guy in a red sweater lookin like a Guess Who? character to remind this country what we’re really all about. We just needed the Rikk Wilde of the Debate to remind us that we’re all Americans that get to turn completely unsuspecting people into memes and internet fodder and the rest of the world can’t. Just when things looked their bleakest, America looked itself in the mirror and we asked ourselves one question:

Kenny Bone?

And the answer is a resounding YES HE KEN.

Because the Internet says all the things better, here are a few whispers to brighten your day:

screen-shot-2016-10-10-at-10-33-43-am screen-shot-2016-10-10-at-10-33-30-am

screen-shot-2016-10-10-at-8-17-57-am screen-shot-2016-10-10-at-8-18-52-am screen-shot-2016-10-10-at-8-19-02-am

Welcome to the Bone Zone.

Tagged , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: